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Firinn Taisdeal will tell you straight up: "It's tough being around me. No secret there." Yes, his relationships have been volatile: His siblings have stonewalled him for more than a decade, and his ex-girlfriend from high school has counted on a turbulent cycle of fiery battles and uneasy peace for the past 30 years. And then there's his friend who silently moans "Aww, shit" as he deletes an e-mail from Firinn too blistering to finish, wondering what he did this time to get in the doghouse, and how long it will take to be let out.

Yet in one of what Firinn calls those "beautiful ironies" of the universe, one that owes a lot to how the online galaxy enables anyone to reinvent himself as king of his own domain, he now acts as the monitor and final arbiter (a virtual Judge Judy, if you will) of the behavior of 23,000 adults worldwide – nearly 7,000 of them here in the Bay Area. They've signed up for his social networking Web site, Linkup Central, and have become part of his quest to enforce accountability in a random world of flakes.

So on a recent night over sushi in a restaurant across from San Francisco City Hall, the man with a record of turbulent relationships discussed how to make people behave better with four Linkup devotees. (He had been hoping for more guests, but one attendee speculated that people are "intimidated by Firinn.")

One woman questioned what she should have done when a cyclist with a major attitude ruined a ride she organized. Give her two choices, Firinn advised: Shape up or leave. The same woman lamented that people also won't stop jabbering on her hikes. Name it a "silent hike of appreciation," he says — that'll weed out the blabbermouths.

Firinn suggests they create a guide on how to be a good guest. "This will trigger some discussion ..."

"And the accusations of paternalism," one man interjects. "Again."

"Oh, I know!" Firinn says. "And the same age-old accusations of paternalism. Yawn, yawn, yawn. Boy, that stuff rolls off my back now."

Firinn has gotten used to the criticism because it turns out that labeling people's behavior unacceptable in the Wild West of Web-initiated socializing makes you a lot of enemies. Call him "paternalistic," call him Firinn der Führer — one of the more inventive titles those he's deemed unworthy have come up with — but the accusations certainly aren't going to halt his social experiment.

Linkup Central is a variation on sites such as Meetup, Urban Diversion, and MEETin that focus on luring people away from the glowing seduction of their computer screens to actually meet in the flesh. Any Linkup member can create an event — be it a bonfire on Ocean Beach, dinner and a movie, or a Beatles sing-along at Fort Mason. And any member can sign up: the divorcée whose social circle dissolved along with her marriage, the work-from-home consultant who otherwise would never leave, the nurse sick of camping with only her dog.

Yet on the other social sites, people can RSVP and attend or not attend with no problem. But Firinn promotes a different behavior in an overcommitted era in which flaking is only a text message away.

He demands you actually show up.

It's called accountability, and Firinn says society is plagued by the lack of it. Memoirists fabricate stories. Politicians invent reasons for war. Any Joe Schmoe can become Don Juan in a personal ad. And Firinn says the Internet has only sped the decline of integrity as people assume fake screen names and bash others at will. (Or defend their bosses in secret, like Mayor Gavin Newsom's ex-spokesman Peter Ragone.)

So Firinn has dubbed himself a social software entrepreneur. He has programmed Linkup to punish flaky behavior like last-minute cancellations, no-shows, and lame excuses. Event hosts report the offending behavior, and transgressions plummet members' ratings from a top score of 100 down toward zero, making it harder to sign up for future events, since hosts set minimum ratings guests must have in order to RSVP.

Many members rave that the accountability system pushes Linkup a step above social sites many times its size that are popular in this wired city. Hosts can better plan for more intimate events when they know everyone will attend. Flakes either shape up or become frustrated and leave, which helps maintain a high level of commitment among members.

"I don't see how it could be much better," member Jim Gross says. "You never have a problem with people."

The site is growing at the slow yet steady rate Firinn desires in order to maintain the membership quality. He has expanded to include 23 U.S. cities and seven more worldwide, yet none are nearly as active as the San Francisco chapter, with some 175 events a month.

But even as members praise, or at least grudgingly accept, the accountability system as the engine of Linkup's momentum, many question the arguably extreme tactics of the man at the helm.

The cold math of the accountability system is only a part of the way behavior is monitored (although the math, too, is subject to whether hosts rat on flaky behavior). Linkup customer service also kicks off the people whom it deems do "not fit" into Linkup culture, as Firinn puts it. The site's terms of service allude to how subjective a call that can be: "Linkup Central may, with or without cause, immediately terminate your ... account ... without prior notice." Roughly 1,200 people have been booted since the site's creation in 2003 — not counting the one in four applicants whose profiles are rejected in the first place — with seldom a chance to appeal.

Although the customer service team consists of three people, most conflict mediation and serious judgment calls are handled by Firinn. And when you're dealing with someone described as everything from "intense" to a "mad genius" to a "control freak" — albeit a "control freak" who writes "Long live healthy dissent in America!" in an event description — even some of his staunchest supporters who laud him as a visionary and a hero fear that irking him means they'd be dumped through the trapdoor into cyberspace, a significant portion of their social lives vanishing with them.

"It's like being disappeared in Stalinist Russia," says Tom Merle, who was deleted last year, along with e-mail contact with all the folks he'd met. "Like you never existed."

With the paranoid way members talk about Firinn, you'd think they were gossiping about the White Witch in Narnia. Before a recent Linkup hike at Baker Beach, one member said, "If you get on his bad side — " and another sliced a finger across his throat only half in jest.

Members trade Firinn tales at just about every event, which balloon into urban myths — egged on by the fact that most have never met him and piece together the man behind the cybercurtain from such stories and his idiosyncratic event descriptions. One particularly amusing one reads: "Please don't hassle me about small details. That just makes me hate you. Please don't ask me dumb questions like, 'So when did you start Linkup?' That would make me hate you too, probably even more."

There are firsthand tales: One guy submitted an event where he included "Tell jokes about Firinn" as one of the activities, only for that portion to be deleted by customer service before being posted. There was the time Firinn wouldn't talk to anyone at a karaoke event, and grew flustered when people diverted from the conversation topic he'd set at a dinner. One of the more entertaining tidbits to members — who are required to use their real first names in their profiles — is that Firinn and the other customer service employees write e-mails under aliases such as "George Chen." Members report one woman writing back "Dear 'George Chen,'" questioning the alter ego with sassy quotation marks, and, because of that and other behavior perceived as "obnoxious," lost her customer service privileges. Firinn says he created the aliases because he wanted a buffer from people "misusing every little thing I did or said" and to provide consistency no matter which employee was writing the letter.

Then there are the conspiracy theories: Firinn reads all the e-mails members send through the site. (Only if you use a word programmed to alert him, he says.) He sends spies to events to make sure hosts are reporting flakes. (Not true, Firinn says, but one customer service employee is a Linkup member and doesn't tell others because she fears it would interfere with people socializing with her. The potential hypocrisy of not disclosing this on a site dedicated to accountability is a discussion for another day.)

Firinn has his defenders — "He doesn't suffer fools, period; I admire him for it, frankly," says member John Donaldson — and he says anyone who doesn't like his system can join one of the Web's multitude of other socializing groups. But members want to stay at Linkup for its high-quality events, so the fear of being ousted sets in. "Not one event goes by without stories of the tyrannical control of Firinn," says another member unwilling to give his name as he walks along the coast on the recent hike. "For a guy who's not that socially adept to be running an organization like this ..." He falls silent.

Firinn scans the screen of his iMac in his immaculate apartment nestled in a generic Walnut Creek complex, where he moved seven years ago from San Francisco. He jokingly refers to the modest place as the "Worldwide Linkup Headquarters" — somewhat disappointing, really, compared to the images dancing in members' heads of Oz's Emerald Castle. Many have done the mental math, multiplying the 23,000 worldwide profiles by the $4.95 monthly membership fee, and concluded that by raking in $1.3 million a year, he must live in a suburban mansion. But the reality is that only Bay Area members with active accounts pay the fees, and so currently the site only generates approximately $65,000 before taxes to pay all three employees' salaries plus overhead.

Though Firinn projects Linkup will generate more than $250,000 in a couple of years, money is not his primary concern. Bringing people together for quality interaction comes first, and, unfortunately, that mission requires relentless pruning of those who "don't get it."

Firinn is an animated guy who oozes good intentions and a true believer's conviction with every inch of his 5-foot-9 frame balanced in geriatric orthopedic shoes. His regal posture gives away years of ballet training — one of the many subjects he says he dove into before UC Berkeley forced him to choose a major and graduate after seven years of undergraduate study. Now 51, he reads for four hours a day, and admits he cannot bear small talk. His events err on the cerebral side: discussing clichés in culture, reflecting on quotations, sharing books. His thick hair wicks up on end like a gray torch. Combined with stud earrings and his eerily intense aquamarine eyes, you can see him fitting right in at a hobbit casting call for Lord of the Rings.

Firinn opens the computer file of those banished since Linkup's debut four years ago. He jokes that the number has decreased as "the low-hanging rotting fruit" are weeded out. A sentence-long explanation is tagged to each profile along with the user's e-mail, phone number, and IP address. Of the 3,000 who have left, nearly 60 percent delete themselves. The rest, well, ahem:

"This is borderline, but this is a narcissistic profile," Firinn says, intoning a breathy voice to read, "'I am and always will be an artist at heart.'" He asks, "Are you interested in sports? In music? We didn't ask for a mini biography, you know.

"Oh, here's a guy — two no-show flake factors, his rating was down to 46 percent, and then he had a picture of himself from the back," he continues. "I mean, that's an antisocial pattern right there! You're not showing up, and then you've got a picture of the back of your head?"

Firinn pauses and stares at you, like, don't you see a problem with this?

"Maybe he's trying to be artistic?" you offer.

"Maaaaybe," Firinn says. "Well, maybe he just doesn't fit."

End of discussion, and off go others without discussion, either: the guy who listed his name as "Chrisanova" and his job as "foofy evil-doer." (No fake profiles.) A guy selling boxes. (Spam is not allowed.) The entire women's field hockey group that was too cliquish. The guy who used "kissmyass" in his password. (Firinn has programmed his software to alert him every time people write an obscenity or a competing Web social group's name.) The guy who listed in his interests, "I don't like [to] stay at home. sex, and alcohol, and, sex, again." ("Forget it!" Firinn says: Cruising is not allowed.) The guy who was e-mailing members to look for a harpsichordist for his chamber orchestra. (Firinn says if you want to message strangers, go to MySpace.)

Firinn seems amused to revisit the old troublemakers, yet he says playing policeman is the most depressing part of his job: "You're just reminded of all the shitty little things people do," he says. "For me, the programming is not only easy, but a total joy. But people can be so wonderful and people can be such a pain in the ass."

To begin to understand Firinn Taisdeal, to understand why he wants to be "the good parent I never had" for a group of people who agree to be courteous to one another, you have to go way back and way across the country to Westport, Connecticut, when Firinn was not even Firinn yet, but James Henry Cunniff II.

Firinn holds back details, but life in the Cunniff household was apparently volatile. Recovering-alcoholic mother, codependent father, and lies-that-keep-the-family-safe-from-the-truth bad. All were brutal to each other with impunity, he says. Firinn adds he was the family's black sheep, forcing conversations on the subjects no one would talk about.

He liked to provoke at school, too. Wearing a lab coat one day, headphones plugged into nothing the next, he was the kid who wrote on his AP English final that the teacher should find a less clichéd essay topic. He eschewed cliques, often bringing together greasers and jocks at the same party to see how they'd mix. One friend, Jim Simpkins, says Firinn would be the ultimate flake one day, storming away for no apparent reason, but then backing him up in a showdown with a bully the next.

"If you became his friend you were signing up for some turbulence," says Simpkins, now a stay-at-home dad in Seattle. "He has an idea of what he wants a person to be like, and if you don't fit that, he slides you to his shit list, which is basically where I am right now."

Firinn was kicked out of the house the summer after high school, by which time he says he'd honed a healthy suspicion of groups. They just lie and cover up for each other, he decided. After moving to Berkeley for college, he eventually became estranged from his family.

In 1996, he opened an Irish dictionary in the San Francisco Public Library. He'd wanted a name that described what he valued and strove for, and he figured he felt more Irish than anything else. Two words struck him: "Firinn," pronounced "Fear-in." It meant "truth" and, pronounced differently, meant "young girl" — a reminder of his older sister who committed suicide during his senior year of high school, and whom he saw as a victim of the toxic lack of truth in the house. "Taisdeal," pronounced "Tash-duhl," meant "seeker." He legally changed his name within weeks.

Having taught himself computer programming, Firinn worked in Silicon Valley during the tech boom. But after growing disgusted with co-workers interested only in the value of their stock options, he says he left three months short of collecting some $600,000 himself, torching bridges behind him with a parting note that went something like: I'm going to go do something with actual integrity. If you have integrity, you'll leave, too.

Firinn went on to a job designing computer games. The potential of technology fascinated him, but how was he contributing to the world by creating ways for people to waste their time? Thrown into what he describes as a personal and professional crisis, he quit, and soon learned firsthand how the Internet can bring out the worst in people. He hit up the business networking site www.ryze.com, but instead of making connections, he busted onto message boards for conservative Republicans and flamed people he'd never meet for four hours a day.

At the same time, he saw how technology could bring out personal initiative while he volunteered for the Howard Dean presidential campaign, which allowed volunteers to organize campaign events online. Could that work in the social arena?

Firinn would soon see. His girlfriend urged him to attend a lunch club, but he was so annoyed by the disorganization and onerous sign-up process of one on Craigslist that he created his own, the Bay Area Lunch Club, in 2003. After about six months, members of the club started to host their own events beyond midday meals.

But the club's momentum hit an obstacle. One host told Firinn how embarrassed she'd been when only three people showed up for a reservation for 12 at Nordstrom. Firinn says people flaking had never particularly bothered him — a friend who once forgot to take him to the airport begs to differ — but the woman's complaint hit a nerve.

"She was never going to try again," Firinn says, going into tears as he recounts the story. "She had given up. ... She was trying to fight back her tears." (The woman, Karla Dayton of Alameda, says she's honored he took her seriously, but politely adds that she wasn't that upset: "Maybe he's the emotional one.")

Firinn thought about the lessons gleaned from Malcolm Gladwell's best-selling books, The Tipping Point and Blink. People respond to cues that indicate the permitted behavior in any environment. Firinn had already programmed his site to urge good behavior; it corrected sloppy online grammar, changing "tonite" to "tonight" and shrinking multiple exclamation points to one. Swearing, spamming, and cruising were regulated.

In addition, Firinn learned from Gladwell's books that you can judge a lot about a person's character from the smallest of indicators. If those who jump subway turnstiles are more likely to have a criminal history, Firinn figured something as complex as a person's integrity could be judged by something as simple as whether they could keep a commitment.

Enter the accountability system.

As Firinn kicked off the first batches of flakes, mutiny broke out. The condemned logged onto Craigslist and spewed vitriol against him. At first, Firinn worried he had overreached. But as the so-called flakes and other transgressors were banished, Linkup hosts found their efforts wouldn't be squandered. Word got out, and Linkup took off. A patent for the accountability system is pending.

"To me, it is a phoenix type of story ... or taking what's broken in his past and making something good out of it," Simpkins says. "He had a difficult time making relationships, keeping relationships ... and now he's in the business of providing relationships."

Firinn applies the idea that small instances demonstrate a person's character in other ways, and he's always looking for clues, what he calls "social information." One such method is how members respond to "push back." Flipping the customer-is-always-right mantra, Linkup customer service often responds by challenging members. Hosting privileges are axed for hosts about whom guests have complained, to see whether they'll accept the punishment or go ape. Customer service will also sternly challenge people's interpretations of a situation if they write in with problems. Firinn notices the guilty tend to go silent, and the reasonable won't continue fighting. Many of these interactions are noted in the members' administrative files.

"If they blow up at us, it's all over," Firinn says. "I'm subtly trying to get the word out to the group that it's not good to be unreasonable with customer service."

Many claim customer service itself is the unreasonable one, going for the jugular when a slap on the wrist would do. One e-mail kicked out a woman for using a fake profession, adding a stinger at the end: "We also had to deal previously with a serious complaint about your being so drunk at your own event that you could not get home by yourself." (To avoid conflict, people are no longer told that they have been kicked out. The banished simply discover they can no longer log in.)

Many members applaud Firinn for weeding out the troublemakers. Michelle Heathman of Oakland said she wrote that a man had joined Linkup whom she considered a stalker. Firinn called her back in minutes and blocked the man from the system: "Firinn went from being this scary Oz to 'Michelle, what do we do to help you?'" she recalls. She is now a staunch Firinn defender.

Firinn says his position as, he jokes, "hopefully, the benevolent dictator" brings forth authority issues. One man approached him to ask, "What's next, Captain?" and other members try to suck up to him at events. He says his system is provoking people as he always has — now, he hopes, in a positive way.

Perhaps no case better demonstrates Firinn Taisdeal's zeal in hunting down those he sees as a threat to Linkup than the ex-member he threatened with a restraining order for crashing events: "This one I have no trouble remembering: Elll-vin Martinez," Firinn says, holding on to the "l" for effect.

Sipping on a Bora Bora Horror at the Tonga Room at a recent MEETin event, the jolly marked man — a Financial District accountant, of all things — explains his stealth operation. It all started after Martinez was kicked out of Linkup for hosting issues (Firinn's version) or let his subscription expire (Martinez' claim). But he had made plenty of friends, and continued to attend several events a week for a year, sometimes on an invitation from the host or a guest, sometimes crashing. The high jinks caught up with Martinez when he squatted at an expat European event, told the miffed host about his serial crashing, and declared, "Oh, we're all immigrants from Europe."

Firinn was on his tail. He called Martinez at work and e-mailed his boss (also a Linkup member) saying that he intended to pursue legal action against Martinez and the person providing access to his or her account. Martinez had created a phony account, and later even had a friend join so he could continue to check events. His boss was soon kicked out, too.

Firinn posted a wanted-dead-or-alive-type notice on the Linkup homepage, including Martinez' physical stats. "I was worried it was going to make me a bad person in other people's eyes," Martinez says. "But it was kind of the opposite. I got kind of famous."

Firinn grew flustered. "I was doing my best to intimidate that guy, and it didn't work," he says. "He's got some seriously heavy-duty psychological armor."

Martinez says he just likes happy hour.

Another Linkup member, Chuck Jones, posted a picture on his profile in which Martinez appeared. Firinn booted Jones out, writing that he had "clear evidence that you had conspired with Mr. Elvin Martinez to provide access to your account," but all would be forgiven if he contributed evidence against Martinez for a possible restraining order. Chuck wrote back, "Quite frankly, many people consider him a bit of [a] hero."

Firinn, using the alias Roberta Newton, shot back an e-mail: "Thank you very much for letting us know that you find repeated acts of theft and fraud ... somehow admirable or heroic. It's always good to know what another person's values are, and now we know yours."

Firinn never was able to find Martinez' address to serve him with the hypothetical restraining order, despite paying for an Internet search.

Martinez continues his frenetic socializing on other sites, even hosting a salsa dancing group for www.meetup.com. As for Linkup events, he says he's mostly lost interest as many of his friends were booted off, yet he made a crashing comeback in November at a toy drive event at the Gordon Biersch brewery in San Francisco. (He didn't bring a toy.) He and Jones attempted to start a Yahoo group for Linkup exiles, but it flopped.

"They kind of flaked out on us," Jones says, and smirks.

This summer, a complaint arrived to customer service: Cee England, a regular host from San Mateo County, had e-mailed three guests who flaked on a bike ride, saying, "You're all losers." After being bawled out by customer service, she deleted herself.

The sprightly woman had known all the riders she'd written to, and meant the "loser" remark the way you'd jab your brothers in the ribs, as one complained that he wasn't in shape for the route, and another didn't want to pay. But England regretted leaving in an outrage, and Firinn heard she wanted back in.

Firinn has been contemplating the possibility of forgiveness on Linkup. An attendee at his lecture at the Commonwealth Club last year challenged him: "If your whole purpose of this is trying to change people's interactions and how they deal with each other, I don't see the compassion." But Firinn had been unsure: If given the chance, could people change?

After decades of abrasive relations with people, Firinn says he's dedicated himself to becoming less rigid and more accepting, and friends say they note the difference. After hearing that his mother had died a few years ago, Firinn paid for an Internet search to find his father's California address. Firinn met with him three years ago this month, having prepped for a month to avoid losing his temper. A six-day road trip the two took in June drew apologies from both sides, and Firinn is writing a book titled How to Change Your Mind.

Before, on Linkup, "I do think we erred too far on the side of summary judgment," Firinn admits. "If I can redeem a relationship that for three years was absolutely painful, what implication does that have for Linkup?"

So two months ago a potential policy emerged that will remain once Firinn recedes to a supervisory role to finish his book and embark on a new project providing solar ovens to women in developing countries: Certain members may be allowed back if they promise to change.

Firinn sent word that England could sign up again. She e-mailed a promise to keep all her correspondence professional in the future, and he wrote back, "I hope we all learned something from this little episode."

Something that a schoolteacher would say while patting a naughty student on the head? Yep. Did customer service also kick off some 30 members in the time it allowed a dozen to rejoin? You better believe it. Indeed, Firinn doesn't think the new policy will greatly affect the final numbers. But for the moment, at least, peace was restored in the Linkup kingdom.

"That's the new Firinn," he says. Redemption "is always a possibility."

Write Your Comment show comments (98)

  1. Here is a guy, who supposedly values Integrity. Yet, isn't one of the most important ingredients of integrity fairness? How can someone call himself fair, if he's insisting on being the accuser, jury, hudge and hangman? Firinn has created his own little universe and is playing god - albeit not a nice or reasonable one.

    I joined BAL in April after I moved to the Bay Area, and immediately started hosting 2-3 events per week. When I tried to introduce myself to him a couple of months later, he refused to shake my hand or talk to me. Just stared me down like a dog. In july, when I was setting up another event he threw me out, because I didn't want to tell people to meet me on the 'West side' of Bart or 'the side of Bart, that's closer to Valencia St. I thought it was incredibly inconsiderate to expect people to have to know the exact layout of the mission, if they wanted to attend the event. I just deleted the event, as I figured arguing with him would get me deleted. So, I was then told that I was being unreasonable anyway and got the boot. I enjoyed BAL, but I refuse to cower when I had done absolutely nothing wrong, in fac,t even set up an event in Atlanta, when I was on a business trip, to help him get things going in that city. He seems to project behavior, that he's been accused of, on other people. He's the unreasonable one, he's the one without integrity.It's a shame.

    Comment by Michaela — December 11, 2007 @ 07:09PM

  2. Sad, sad, sad. This is a tragic tail of the guy who was ostracized by everyone -his school & his family - getting back at everyone in a grand fashion through his Social Architecture.

    I was a Link UP leader leading 2-3 events/week. I never got any kudos - nor did any of the other leaders. If we didn't lead events, he would have no Linkup. To me, it's quite unreasonable to make someone pay to volunteer, as long as they're leading lots of events and get good reviews - which I did.

    Hmmmm....he scans all emails and people's passwords. I've never heard of any computer programmer of any worth who scans people's passwords. Knowing that most people use the same password for everything, this man could go in and actually log in to people's bank accounts and real email accounts. He doesn't seem mentally balanced and this scares me even more.

    Fear - Him.

    Comment by Chad — December 11, 2007 @ 11:17PM

  3. Hi Chad,
    I'm the R.N in the article who was tired of camping with her dog, the rest of that story is that I was camping with > 60 friends in October of this year through a linkup event I hosted, yet this was not included along with the other fact. As for your statement saying no host has ever gotten kudos, I have gotten them, both via email and on the phone.
    No one is perfect, but the quality of my life has improved vastly after joining BAL, and when it comes down to it this a private club and the club owner does have a right to set the standards.

    Comment by Sally — December 12, 2007 @ 12:10AM

  4. Wah, Wah, Wah. His group, his rules. Play nice and he'll be nice back to you. Really. So he doesn't have a high tolerance for flaky people or people who are full of b------t. Frankly, a group like this was needed. Walk in his shoes a bit and you'll understand why he's a stickler for accountability. I know. I used to moderate and host most of the events at another pre-BAL online group. Little reward and lots of aggravation from inconsiderate, ill-mannered boobs. The reason I kept it up was I had friends who were a part of what became a community. Now most of us are BAL members and host through BAL. My BAL events sometimes also include other non-BAL members. It's never a problem with BAL or Firinn, so long as you play by the rules. Let's face it. Lots of people in the Bay Area are transplants with no roots yet established in their respective cities within the Bay. BAL is a great way to establish some roots. People complain that LA is phony and shallow. But the Bay Area is often times worse because of people's lackadaisal attitude towards commitment. Is it any wonder that the Bay Area is a great place for singles . . . singles who can't commit? But that's another topic. Long live BAL.

    Comment by katrina — December 12, 2007 @ 01:18AM

  5. Katrina wrote:'Wah, Wah, Wah. His group, his rules. Play nice and he'll be nice back to you.'
    I disagree, I tried to introduce myself at the tribal karaoke and he refused to talk to me - not nice - in fact, incredibly rude, as BAL would be nothing without those who are host. In fact, he was the host at that event and he wouldn't talk to anyone, just sat in the corner, upset about something. Anybody else would have gotten thrown out for bad hosting. He can't even come close to he standards that he sets for others.

    Comment by Michaela — December 12, 2007 @ 05:51AM

  6. The bottom line this author completely missed is that thousands of people treasure their Linkup memberships and are happy to abide by very reasonable rules of basic social etiquette to be a part of it. It's really a shame this author only listened to a handful of destructive malcontents with an axe to grind - sounds like the definition of hack journalism to me.

    I've been a proud Linkup member and frequent event host for several years now, and I think the system and the community it has created are a very rare and special thing. Because of the Linkup rules, people who qualify as members can have fun meeting polite, mature new friends with similar values and common interests. I tried other internet-based social groups before joining Linkup, and found myself unpleasantly exposed to some very scary and undesireable people in a very unsafe/unsupervised major urban internet environment. If basic rules of conduct are paternalism, so be it. They work. I'm really glad the oversight is there so that Linkup can be safe fun for the majority of us.

    Comment by Felicia — December 12, 2007 @ 12:43PM

  7. Hmmm...very interesting how some of you seem to want to overlook the fact, that Firinn
    doesn't just throw people out because they don't follow the rules, but that he will
    throw people out because of something that he personally doesn't like, like someone not agreeing with everything he says, someone who will abide by all the rules, but who
    may say or do something that he doesn't agree with, not having anything to do with rules. Pretty bad business man. In my case I refused to be rude to people by expecting them to know the layout of the mission. I would have been a very bad host, if I had let him keep the changes, that he made to my event.
    Instead I tried to be considerate and was thrown out for that. He can't even follow his own rules on how to be a host. It's so convenient to overlook that. But then there were/are only 20 or 30 of us in total, who were willing to host events every week, while most of the 7000 sheople liked to just sign up to prepackaged events.
    Those, of course, would never raise his temper, because they don't take the risk of having any kind of contact with him. As a host he will check every sentence you write when you set up an event and I've met people who got threatened to get thrown out, because he didn't like their grammar.

    Integrity is what you do when noone is looking, when there's no punishment or reward attached to it and if you do things, because you feel it's the 'RIGHT' thing to do.
    BAL doesn't measure integrity as he claims. It's like punishing or rewarding a little child - That's all it is. I think the system is great and I was a huge supporter, even gave him some marketing ideas, which he supposedly was even implementing. I have no problem with BAL, but I have a problem with Firinn, who treated me like a piece of sh*t,when I was setting up events for him several times a week, followed the rules and noone had one complaint against me. In fact, I had a lot of people come up to me and tell me how much they loved my events, because they were different than the standard fare and that they would start searching out my things. I've started my own meetup group and have met many, many people who got thrown out for the wrong reasons.

    Comment by michaela — December 12, 2007 @ 01:18PM

  8. Point taken, Michaela.

    I've had several encounters with Firinn. There was one event, his how to host event, where he was agitated because the restaurant that was catering the event was more than an hour late. And he was busy trying to find a solution to the problem. So yeah, he was extremely preoccupied at that time, and yes, he did cut me off during a Q and A. But he's also been generous about my suggestions and actually has a good sense of humor. He even danced with a bunch of us at an event that BAL hosted at Fort Mason. I found it sometimes difficult to be constantly "ON" when things go wrong, or when I'm PMSing. People don't always have a good first impression of me. Then they see me in a different light and come around. Now if I'm a habitual bitch, then that would be a problem. I'd be wearing my grinch hat right now instead of my santa hat.

    Don't write off BAL because of one neg. experience, even if it was with Firinn. I'm sure your purpose for joining BAL is to meet other like-minded folk and do a lot of different things. BAL provides that opportunity with accountability. Good luck. We all strive to be the change we want to see in the world. Namaste.

    Comment by Katrina — December 12, 2007 @ 01:25PM

  9. And in regards to the comment about 'bad journalism'. It's funny how Firinn tries to make
    BAL members believe now, that any negative remarks in this article came to light because he was so open and shared contact info, when it was actually some of us wronged people that initiated the article and Lauren Smiley wanted to make sure that she got everybody's
    side. She wanted to get Firinn's and everybody else opinion, so that she could balance the article. I think she did a great job, as she only reported the facts as they were told and let the readers make up their own mind.

    Comment by Michaela — December 12, 2007 @ 01:31PM

  10. HEY – I JUST GOT KICKED OUT!!!!

    Amy, (I mean Firinn) has remove me from the Bay Area Link-up website.

    As the host of Bay Area Link-up’s Beer Socials and Personal Growth groups, I found that I was constantly at odds with Firinn and his wacky ways. I compare the experience to dealing with a mentally disturbed parent or sibling. You have to tip-toe around so as to not get them upset. In Firinn’s case, there were a number of issues that can throw him into a tizzy.

    Perhaps most disturbing is Firinn’s use of fake names like George Chin, Amy and others to staff the Tech Support and Customer Service departments. I encountered these odd personalities a number of times, and each would reply in the same RUDE manner that Firinn was famous for, (actually it was obvious to everyone that it was Firinn.)

    Geez fella, get a clue.

    I hosted some of the largest and most successful events with BAL, but generally found the flaking philosophy unfair and, for the most part, unnecessary. Frankly, I rarely use it. The vast majority of people were professionals, and I think in the entire time I was a host, I flaked perhaps 3 people. Firinn’s philosophy has hosts flaking people for everything with no exception. If you couldn’t make the event because you had a death in the family, illness, personal crisis - - - screw you – you’re FLAKED. That just doesn’t make sense.

    From a marketing perspective, Firinn’s philosophy is flawed. He has no committee to review behavior, policy or the ongoing fourm within the organization. How can one person be the police, judge and executioner for thousands of people across the country?

    This is a one-man operation, and it shows.

    A quick look at the other cities and you’ll see few if any participants. These locations are dismal failures. There is no one to marketing or promote the philosophy because it’s nuts. As for the San Francisco Bay Area chapter of BAL, it’s successful in part because it’s a self perpetuating entity and people like to party. Firinn has luckily latched on to people’s need to get-together. He offer’s a shell to post your event, and a select audience – nothing more. If you get in his face, you’re gone.

    I was kicked out of the group because I didn’t follow the flake guidelines. I asked to speak with Firinn personally to discuss my point of view and how we might resolve difference, but I never received a response.

    Cliff
    cdunning@gmail.com

    Comment by Cliff — December 12, 2007 @ 02:11PM

  11. I just checked my email that I use for BAL and other non-work stuff. Firinn gave a heads up about the SF Weekly article even before I found out about it. He gave the author of the article near open access to info most other people would not be so willing to divulge. He even gave the names and contact info of ex-BAL members and people whom he clearly knew would not be his biggest supporters. In my opinion it took a lot of guts and honesty for him to do this. All in all, I thought it was a fair and balanced article. If anything, I wouldn't be surprised to see the number of BAL members rise.

    Comment by Katrina — December 12, 2007 @ 02:45PM

  12. Firinn and I will never be close friends but, as a transplant to the Bay Area, I am extremely grateful for the organization he created. It gives me the chance to discover new aspects of the Bay Area to delight me and new people to enjoy them with. Noobdy forces me to be a member and nobody needs to.

    Sometimes the 'flake factor' seems useless and silly, such as when you are having a happy hour with 30 people. But I've also had to wait outside a venue with a ticket to hand to a BAL member who never showed so I am glad that there is some mechanism in place to encourage courtesy.

    Comment by Jeff — December 12, 2007 @ 03:11PM

  13. katrina,
    it wasn't Firinn, who gave the 'disgruntled' ex-member contacts to the journalist, but the ex-members initiated the article. he just likes to make it sound as if it was all his openes - it's called 'spinning'. His email to BAL members was sent last night after 9pm. The article was online in the afternoon. He had already read it and knew what was written. If he's so open and fair about everything, then why is the journalist no longer a member right now, when she had been until this article? Again, his email was just spinning it, to make it seem as if he's being all open and fair and letting people know ahead of time, when he's just trying to do 'damage control' retroactively.

    Comment by Michaela — December 12, 2007 @ 03:43PM

  14. While I have not been active with Linkup for a while due to the fact I don't have as much time for such things due to work, when I was active I had the chance to meet Firinn a few times and he seemed like an OK guy to me. I organized some events on the site and they went great, and attended many more and it was nice to know if I was going to take the time to show up to something, that it'd be more than like 3 people while everyone else flaked.

    To all the critics who aren't on the site, I'd simply suggest this - one of the great things about the Internet is that if you really don't like something and how it's run, you can always go somewhere else or make your own. I'm not sure what the big deal about Linkup is or why it merits this big expose, since other sites (like match.com which has paid people to go on dates with members to keep them paying their monthly fees) do funny stuff too. If linkup isn't your thing, join something else. If the linkup model is so evil, then it will die, and if it isn't evil and horrid, then it will survive. Or another site or sites will take its place, sit along side it, or whatever. It's really not a big deal, kids.

    Comment by njudah — December 12, 2007 @ 03:54PM

  15. God I was on link up and hosted over 30 events and was kicked for changing my profession for every event. Which I did as a bit of a joke and as a ice-breaker for people coming to my events. Some of them were a sausage stuffer, processed meat taster and another school bully. I was kicked off for doing this and gone was my profile, photographs and getting in touch with customer service is a nightmare. Oh and Elvin is my buddy and I gave him an open invite to all my events, I wonder did this have anything to do with it.

    Comment by lorraine — December 12, 2007 @ 04:10PM

  16. I have been a member for about one year and have done many things I wouldn't
    have done on by myself. I've met friendly people & controlling event hosts. What I
    do not care for are the privately posted events that show up on the public portal
    when they are not filled. Also we hear about private events (not posted publicaly)
    eventually from other members. I don't understand why this is part of the site. I didn't sign up to be excluded. There are a lot of members stuck in their high school.

    Comment by BAL member — December 12, 2007 @ 06:34PM

  17. I attended a number of events at BAL and enjoyed them. I was always careful to avoid the posted rules.

    But...the site allows you to search for people who engage in activities you do. I did. It also posted email addresses. I assumed that meant you were allowed to contact them. I was kicked out because I did contact fellow musicians trying to set up activities. When I was ejected I called to see why and was told that it was against the rules to actually email people.

    Talk about flakey

    For those who in still BAL who feel like the anointed few...well good for you. I am glad that there are a lot of other organizations which do not put on airs and pretend to some sort of perfection in selection

    'I Wouldn't Belong to a Club That Would Have Me As a Member' Famous words by Groucho Marx

    Comment by doesnt_matter — December 12, 2007 @ 08:04PM

  18. I've gone on a few things with my girlfriend as her guest. Most people are alright. It's just like the general public in these online groups so I expect not so much. With linkup the activities tend to be more interesting, at least the ones she drags me to. The people seem more educated. If Firin's system works to weed out the terminally flaky people out there then I'm all for it. My girlfriend will contact the other girls she's met on linkup to do other stuff outside of linkup and never has a problem. If she's happy then I'm happy. So those of you griping out there, find yourself another group or go make one. Also, if you meet someone you like and don't get their number during the event, then you're stupid. It's your loss if you didn't get your friends' numbers or email addresses in the group and you get booted out of the group.

    Comment by silvermoon — December 12, 2007 @ 09:49PM

  19. Hi everybody! Firinn here. Thanks for all your comments. It's great to see such a lively discussion of the importance of our keeping the commitments we make to each other.

    After all, what's more important than whether you can actually count on other people? The entire basis of the Linkup system is the simple idea that if you give people a clear reason to keep their commitments to each other, everyone benefits; when people have confidence in each other, all kinds of wonderful things happen, some of which are quite surprising.

    The first discovery is that people get happier. No real surprise there, because it's definitely nicer when people follow through on their pledges to you. You can also feel good about keeping your pledges to other people, and helping to create a world, however modest its dimensions, in which people have more reason to feel confident about each other.

    The major discovery, the great surprise on Linkup, is that people become more creative, and exercise much more initiative when they have confidence in each other. It's not that people take greater risks. It's that when people have confidence in each other, everybody's willing to try more of the stuff they've always wanted to, but were afraid to try because they thought other people would let them down.

    This is what makes Linkup fun: people trying out all different kinds of events, and having the confidence to do so, because they know the whole idea is that we should all actually keep the commitments we make to each other.

    To address a related issue, and to be more blunt, Linkup is also fun because you can have higher confidence that Linkup staff have worked very hard to identify and exclude the spammers, screamers and assorted dickwads so that you don't have to meet them.

    But returning to the first issue, that of accountability, what actually is more important, what is most important of all, is whether you can count on youself: whether you can count on your own character, your own honesty with yourself, your own awareness, and self-control, your own ability to see a situation in its many aspects--and the discipline with which you choose to do so. This leads me to all the delightful attacks on me personally.

    I have some important and shocking news for you. I am a flawed person. Sorry about that, but just imagine my own shock on discovering this one morning, about 46 years ago. At first I tried to deny it, but over the ensuing months and years, the evidence began to mount, and has continued to mount.

    Perhaps you've had a similar experience. It's disappointing. You don't want to believe it. You struggle with it. You work on yourself. You have small successes, and sadly discover new flaws, new faults. You work on those. It's not easy, but you keep going, trying to become a better person, because to not do so would be the greatest fault of all.

    Eventually you may discover that some of your faults are simply intractable, no matter how much effort you put into fixing them. If you're honest with yourself, you ask yourself whether you're just trying to let yourself off the hook with some lame version of "That's just the way I am." Cop-out, cop-out, cop-out. Ick.

    So for the sake of self-respect you work for a few more years on the flaws on which progress has always escaped you, and eventually you may just give up on fixing them. But then another idea occurs to you; perhpas you could try to make good use of a flaw--just try to understand under what circumstances, if any, all the energy contained in that flaw can somehow be put to good use.

    This is my only answer to those people who, rather than reasonably discuss the importance of our keeping our commitments to each other, and rather than examine their own behavior, are more comfortable screaming about someone else.

    Finally, I just wanted to mention the obvious:

    Linkup, and the ideas on which Linkup is based, will continue without me. That has always been the plan. So then you're left with a single question, which is universal and will not go away:

    Isn't it better for everybody when we keep our commitments to each other?

    Thanks, everybody.

    Comment by Firinn — December 13, 2007 @ 07:15AM

  20. Hi everybody! Firinn here. Thanks for all your comments. It's great to see such a lively discussion of the importance of our keeping the commitments we make to each other.

    After all, what's more important than whether you can actually count on other people? The entire basis of the Linkup system is the simple idea that if you give people a clear reason to keep their commitments to each other, everyone benefits; when people have confidence in each other, all kinds of wonderful things happen, some of which are quite surprising.

    The first discovery is that people get happier. No real surprise there, because it's definitely nicer when people follow through on their pledges to you. You can also feel good about keeping your pledges to other people, and helping to create a world, however modest its dimensions, in which people have more reason to feel confident about each other.

    The major discovery, the great surprise on Linkup, is that people become more creative, and exercise much more initiative when they have confidence in each other. It's not that people take greater risks. It's that when people have confidence in each other, everybody's willing to try more of the stuff they've always wanted to, but were afraid to try because they thought other people would let them down.

    This is what makes Linkup fun: people trying out all different kinds of events, and having the confidence to do so, because they know the whole idea is that we should all actually keep the commitments we make to each other.

    To address a related issue, and to be more blunt, Linkup is also fun because you can have higher confidence that Linkup staff have worked very hard to identify and exclude the spammers, screamers and assorted dickwads so that you don't have to meet them.

    But returning to the first issue, that of accountability, what actually is more important, what is most important of all, is whether you can count on youself: whether you can count on your own character, your own honesty with yourself, your own awareness, and self-control, your own ability to see a situation in its many aspects--and the discipline with which you choose to do so. This leads me to all the delightful attacks on me personally.

    I have some important and shocking news for you. I am a flawed person. Sorry about that, but just imagine my own shock on discovering this one morning, about 46 years ago. At first I tried to deny it, but over the ensuing months and years, the evidence began to mount, and has continued to mount.

    Perhaps you've had a similar experience. It's disappointing. You don't want to believe it. You struggle with it. You work on yourself. You have small successes, and sadly discover new flaws, new faults. You work on those. It's not easy, but you keep going, trying to become a better person, because to not do so would be the greatest fault of all.

    Eventually you may discover that some of your faults are simply intractable, no matter how much effort you put into fixing them. If you're honest with yourself, you ask yourself whether you're just trying to let yourself off the hook with some lame version of "That's just the way I am." Cop-out, cop-out, cop-out. Ick.

    So for the sake of self-respect you work for a few more years on the flaws on which progress has always escaped you, and eventually you may just give up on fixing them. But then another idea occurs to you; perhpas you could try to make good use of a flaw--just try to understand under what circumstances, if any, all the energy contained in that flaw can somehow be put to good use.

    This is my only answer to those people who, rather than reasonably discuss the importance of our keeping our commitments to each other, and rather than examine their own behavior, are more comfortable screaming about someone else.

    Finally, I just wanted to mention the obvious:

    Linkup, and the ideas on which Linkup is based, will continue without me. That has always been the plan. So then you're left with a single question, which is universal and will not go away:

    Isn't it better for everybody when we keep our commitments to each other?

    Thanks, everybody.

    Comment by Firinn — December 13, 2007 @ 07:16AM

  21. Firinn is doing a great thing by holding people accountable and encouraging trust between people, which I think is a much needed thing in the world. So if people are kicked out of Bay Area Linkup for flaking, I applaud that. However, when people are being kicked out for other reasons that are based on Firinn's "perceived" impression about them -- that is not good -- that is one man's issues with trust. If you take into consideration that he grew up in a family that couldn't be trusted or counted on, it is understandable that he would try to create a world where he can control (by kicking out BAL members who have no possible recourse or ability to argue with Firrin) those who he believes he cannot trust. I believe that Firinn has used BAL to help him create a world where he feels enough power to protect himself and to validate what he already thinks.....that people have the potential to betray him at every turn. So he makes it his mission to fix those issues, which serves his subconscious need to protect himself. The problem is that in order for him to protect himself, he has to believe that nothing he does is wrong -- which is why he doesn't allow people to complain (or they are kicked off BAL). His actions have proved again and again that there is no room in his mind that his view of the world might be a bit skewed or effected by his past--where he learned not to trust.

    I am a psychology student and someone who understands people. I have been a BAL member, have met Firinn, and have heard stories from friends about his acts of "banishment." His actions are not just toward a few--they are pervasive and have effected many innocent (I believe) people. In addition, I've had complete strangers tell me more scary stories about Firinn (at BAL events) that I did not solicit. Kudos to the Weekly writer who wrote this article....it's amazingly dead-on in its description of Firinn, and was able to expose a very accurate truth that many members of BAL are already aware of. I actually found this article hilarious and enjoyed the whole "Elvin Martinez" story with Firinn going after him like a dictator who has decided to eradicate someone he doesn't agree with. Elvin did not really do anything evil, Firinn -- I think you need to just look inside yourself and work on what's in there -- and stop trying to fix the rest of us, who aren't as bad as you think.

    Comment by Mel — December 13, 2007 @ 08:48AM

  22. Hi again! I have some very sad news to report, especially for the big time ad hominem whiners out there:

    Nearly all of the "rules" on Linkup were not invented by me at all, but were requested and in most cases invented by many of the 23,000+ members of Linkup. What we did during the course of the past fours years is have open meetings in which anyone could present and discuss ideas on how to make Linkup better. Most of these meetings involved only a few people who were strongly motivated, or had strong ideas, but some of the meetings were large, involving as many as 50 people. Most of the people who participated were active hosts, because hosts are on the front lines, know the issues, and are most strongly affected.

    The discussions were pretty vigorous, and there were plenty of arguments. My approach in general was to let the discussion play out for the other people, before commenting in any way myself.

    What gradually emerged from these discussions among dozens of people with varying perspectives was a set of guidelines which we felt would ultimately be beneficial to everyone. It was then my job to translate these social ideas into software, which I did at great cost to my posture, sitting at the damn computer day after day trying to translate people's ideas and thoughts and feelings into lines of code that would work under all kinds of conditions. It was hard work, and it took a few years.

    We went through many different versions and refinements of the accountability system:

    When we installed the first version, hosts began clamoring for some way to account for all the lame excuses people were giving them about not showing up at events. So we added that to the software.

    Then hosts wanted a way to deal with people who said they were going to pay them for an event, but then didn't. So we added that to the software as well.

    Then lots of hosts complained that too many people were signing up for events just to have a place at the event, "in case" they wanted to go, then cancelling casually when they found "a better event." This was wreaking havoc on the nerves and feelings of the hosts, so we revised the algorithm to include proportion of cancellations.

    Then hosts got sick of people cancelling casually at the last minute, so I was under pressure to add a way to try to cut down on those ugly last-minute cancellations. Yeah, we added that to the software too, because hosts were yelling at me to add it.

    Many other suggestions and requests also came in, sometimes to customer service, sometimes directly to me.

    That's how it happened, folks. If you want to blame anyone, blame all the hosts who wanted to make things better for themselves, and for everyone else in the process.

    The further sad news for the ad hominem whiners is that on a day-to-day basis I have almost nothing at all to do with enforcement of anything at all. Most of what happens regarding any "rules" happens within the software itself automatically, as a result of the collective requests and refinements initiated by hosts, which have been built into the software.

    Have fun!

    Comment by firinn — December 13, 2007 @ 10:49AM

  23. Firinn wrote: This is my only answer to those people who, rather than reasonably discuss the importance of our keeping our commitments to each other, and rather than examine their own behavior, are more comfortable screaming about someone else.'

    That's the crux of the problem - you don't allow a discussion. You just terminate people. You are not willing to hear their side or look at the big picture, which a reasonable person would do. You have a great idea with BAL and the system works. But it's your human flaws, that make it so difficult. As you see, most people prefer to just sign up to events, and they will usually have no risk of having contact with you. It's the people who are willing to lead, that are at risk. Yet, it takes a certain type of person, who's willing to lead. Whether you call it 'type A' or whatever. But those of us who don't mind not being part of the crowd but forging ahead, are also less likely to have the 'yes, master! You're right, master' mentality, which is what you seem to require. You expect hosts to be leaders with a 'follower mentality' and that's a conflict, if you honestly think about it.

    You don't allow discussion and only see things black or white, allowing you the emotional safety from people, because you can keep finding faults in people (whether real or perceived) and subsequently terminate them, whether fairly or not.) That way they can't question you. Hav eyou noticed how few people come to your events? They're afraid to be around you and getting terminated, because they may say the wrong word.

    Comment by Michaela — December 13, 2007 @ 10:49AM

  24. Firinn –

    Glad to see that you’ve come out from behind the curtain. I think this article may have affected you more than you expected. You’ve been exposed, and your organization opened for inspection. Perhaps you’re wondering if some of your policies are truly effective, Democratic processes, or just single minded control features. Flexibilty is a key word here Firinn. Allowing others their point of view, and the ability to bend but not break your policies might be a consideration.

    What I have a hard time believing is if you will hold true to your statement to,

    … Reasonably discuss the importance of our keeping our commitments to each other…

    I don’t think you have ever opened for discussion the decisions to banish people from BAL. I for one was summarily removed without the opportunity to speak with you. You simply removed me from the group without a thought for your actions. That’s just flat out unprofessional.

    Comments?

    Cliff

    Comment by Cliff — December 13, 2007 @ 12:33PM

  25. Just because someone is 'flawed' doesn't make them a bad person. We're all flawed or we wouldn't be here. We're here to learn and grow, and the only way to do that is to acknowledge our flaws. But a lot of times it's easier to just pretend that we don't have these imperfections and if we have a system in place that allows us to do that, we might just use that, even if it's subconsciously. That's what BAL allows you to do. You can just get rid of anyone, who might have possibly seen one of your flaws or will question you, and subsequently it will re-establish any kind of self-worth, that a conflict might have threatened. But letting others see your vulnerabilities can actually be a strength instead of a weakness.

    You have people who are in your corner, even though they've seen your flaws. So, clearly 'appearing perfect' is not what you have to be to be accepted. But it's your own perception, that nothing short of perfect is good enough' about yourself, that lets you see things and people only in 'black or white'. Subsequently, you think of yourself as 'bad' if any flaws should be seen.

    I've read 'Blink' and 'Tipping Point' as well, great books. But that split-second 'recognition' he's talking about in 'Blink' is based on a 'neutral mind'. Your perceptions are being filtered through the expectation that people will be unreliable, dishonest and will disappoint you. Subsequently, any variance from your perceived 'norm' is ground for 'fitting the bill'. I think we all can agree that 'being right' feels better than 'being wrong'. Since all actions are self-motivated (not to be confused with what we think of as 'selfish'. Even Mother Theresa's actions were self-motivated, as she got something emotional out of helping others)'being right' about someone as being a 'bad' person would validate your initial expectation, then
    finding a flaw would in a subconscious way help your self-worth - because you were 'right'. So, as much as you don't like being 'hall-monitor' it also give you the intangible reward of 'being right'.

    Don't let this article make you crawl under a rock and say stuff like "well, I just
    stay away form BAL as noone likes me etc ', but use it as constructive criticism and
    take a look at yourself. make what you have, BAL and yourself, better. Just because
    you have flaws doesn't mean you're a bad person.

    Comment by Michaela — December 13, 2007 @ 01:21PM

  26. As a BAL leader of two groups....I was summarily dismissed by Firinn without a court trial or jury verdict. This is a man with virtually NO integrity as far as I, and many other originating BAL members agree. I never flaked (not one flake factor), I always treated everyone with the utmost respect and consideration and lead many many events. I was appalled when I went to post an event in my group, only to find it had been deleted. Under Firinn's rules of accountability, I should have at least been afforded the courtesy of being told when and why my group was deleted.

    I let the first delete go without comment to Firinn. My 2nd group was a more active/athletic group and while I was having health issues requring surgery, I found my 2nd group deleted once again without consideration of an email or discussion. All along the way, I had been informing my group members of my health issues. This is not the way to behave in a society unless it is a dictatorship...which BAL is.

    There was absolutely no ability to communicate or discuss with Firinn once he deletes you no matter which identity he hides behind (sometimes Roberta, sometimes George Chin). Many many of us which started with BAL during its infancy...have left the premises...hopefully having made some connections along the way without the need for the dictatorship under which BAL and Firinn operate.

    This man hides behind identities other than his own, is unwilling to have differences of reasonable opinions without deleting you. Does this sound like anyone we've read about in the news the last few years?

    Susanna

    Comment by susanna — December 13, 2007 @ 02:21PM

  27. Michaela,
    It's clear you're still trying to understand why you got the boot from BAL. I suggest you re-read the article and Firinn's letters about "screamers". It's clear he's doing his best to filter out the group of such people. Keep up the good work Firinn.
    -JD

    Comment by John "JD" Donaldson — December 13, 2007 @ 02:40PM

  28. ah, good ol' JD, John Donaldson, who likes to play both sides. You openly admit to admiring Firinn's unfair tactics, but allow booted members to come to your events
    behind his back. yep, says a lot......

    I've read the article and Firinn says... 'the guilty tend to go silent, '

    basically, you're screwed either way with him: If you're quiet you're guilty. If you're
    not quiet then you need to get rid off as well, because you're a 'screamer'

    Comment by Michaela — December 13, 2007 @ 03:02PM

  29. Putting on my psychologist hat, I see Firrin to be the kind of guy who can't take any criticism. If a BAL member made disparaging remarks about him on this site, he would remove them from BAL. Am I right Firrin? If some called you an a*hole here wouldn't you try to identify and delete them from BAL.

    Comment by Roger — December 13, 2007 @ 03:40PM

  30. Firinn writes: " Most of what happens regarding any "rules" happens within the software itself automatically, as a result of the collective requests and refinements initiated by hosts, which have been built into the software."

    All of us booted from BAL know this is a flat out fib. As the architect of this site, isn't Firinn once again merely hiding behind different identities and his own designs?

    There is a reason BAL'ers did not sign up for Firinn-led events or groups. Who wants to be consistently judged by a man of little integrity? Great concept though. One day perhaps BAL can evolve into a social society where we are not judged relentelessly....maybe when Firinn leaves.

    Comment by Susanna — December 13, 2007 @ 04:07PM

  31. Hi I'm Chuck - yes! the guy who got booted(with a 100% rating!) for being in a picture with Elvin.

    For those Firinn apologists, you're missing the frikken point! The issue isn't about people getting booted for flaking on an event, but it's about people getting kicked out for issues totally unrelated and often completely bizarre, such as being in a picture with Elvin, changing the spelling of his or her name, putting a fake occupation on the profile, or just being Elvin's boss. This is why booted-BALers are speaking-up and denouncing him as total nut-job.

    The great irony of this is this will probably help his business tremendousely, because there are plenty of misguided people who crave this orwellian authority and think he's some kind of hero for trying to uphold accountability and integrity.

    The truth is there are plenty of groups out there where you don't have to worry about getting kicked out for flaking or for other obscure reasons and you don't have to pay any money. My social life hasn't suffered a bit since I have been booted out. So live a little and get kicked out!

    Comment by Chuck — December 13, 2007 @ 05:06PM

  32. The article left me with the impression that: (1) Firinn is a complicated guy who had a neat idea and is running with it; (2) the reporter is under pressure to produce a piece of gotcha journalism, and (3) people can get caught up in their sense of victimhood.
    I’ve been a Linkup member for a couple of years, both in San Francisco and Boston, and here’s my take: unless we are Mother Theresa, we are unlikely to have the same sense of accountability toward strangers that we have towards our friends, family, and colleagues. When I host Linkup events, they tend to be small dinner events for which no-shows or last-minute cancellations are inconvenient for the guests (“how long do we wait?”) and costly for the restaurant. If you routinely flake out on social arrangements with your friends, your friends will eventually respond to that pattern and stop socializing with you. Linkup’s flake system provides similar behavioral pattern recognition for strangers, which is why I can set up a brandy-tasting brunch for four and be confident that the restaurant isn’t going to refuse to accept reservations from me in the future.

    I’m not going to comment on any individual Linkup terminations, because I do not know the facts, but as for whether it is unreasonable for Firinn to make these determinations without resort to some sort of “process,” remember, the guy is running this whole thing off a desk-top computer in his house. If we were willing to pay through the nose for our Linkup memberships, I’m sure he’d be delighted to hire more staff to hear appeals. Or maybe he wouldn’t, who knows? At the end of the day, Linkup is one among a growing number of social networking websites. Linkup’s distinctiveness comes from the accountability; it works for me and apparently many others. It may not work for you, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    Comment by April M — December 13, 2007 @ 05:18PM

  33. Look, even if we can all agree that Firinn likely won't win a Nobel Peace Prize for his management of BAL, the article focuses too much on his personality. Most groups in some way or the other have the stamp of the person/people who started them. It is doubtful, at least in my mind, that any group that was started by one individual but has events that are rather loosely organized (no master corporate planning) like BAL will have a unified policy that will appeal to everyone.

    To me the bigger issues are:
    1. how our society has changed to the extent so that a flake factor is such a controversial and unique thing. at the risk of sounding like a geezer, once upon a time in a land far, far away, it was considered proper social etiquette to honor your commitments. Now we have a very consumer, "every thing I do it OK because I am, well, me, glorious me", culture.

    People increasingly feel that it is their right to do anything they want and other feelings or time be damned. Instead of a simple I'm sorry when someone breaks a commitment, one is more likely to hear - "wow man, I feel you are putting expectations on me. I don't like that."

    2. BAL seems to have mainly middle-aged people in it. Is this in part due to the flake factor? If so, what does that imply about changes in culture between generations?

    But hey, prez elections are now treated like a cross between a horse race and a vote for prom king or queen, so it isn't surprising that this article was mainly a personality profile.

    Comment by craig — December 13, 2007 @ 10:27PM

  34. To Craig and other Firinn defenders--including Firinn--above:

    You don't get it. This really isn't about the flake factor thing. Interesting how Firinn continues to defend himself under the guise that this has to do with people being bothered about the flake factor (see comment #22). After talking to many people who have been booted out or who have dealt with Firinn in person, this is about him booting people because of his own personal semi-psychotic view that the world is out to get him -- or as he puts it, in comments #19 & #20, he's protecting us all from the "dickwads." Problem is, just about anything constitutes a dickwad in his world-- including saying you're an artist in the "Interests" section of your BAL profile, asking Firinn how he started Linkup (this makes him "hate you" apparently), and complaining even once (this makes you a "whiner").

    Comment by Mel — December 14, 2007 @ 10:33AM

  35. To Craig and the other Firinn Defenders (incl. Firinn) above:

    You just don't get it. This isn't about people being upset about Firinn's accountability system. Funny how Firinn tries to defend himself under the guise that we have a problem with him making us be accountable (comment #22). The actual problem that most people are addressing in the comments above is that Firinn kicks out anyone who doesn't support his semi-psychotic view of the world that no one can be trusted. As he says (in comments 19 & 20), he's booting people off BAL to protect us from all the "dickwads." Problem is that just about anything constitutes a dickwad in his world, including: saying you're an artist in your Linkup profile interests, asking Firinn how he started Linkup (apparently, that makes him "hate you"), and having Firinn see you in a photo next to someone else he thinks is a dickwad. And trying to get a restraining order against someone who "infiltrated" the system under a fake name and "crashed" an event? I'll bet the police department would have laughed in Firinn's face. I'm guessing that's why he could never find Elvin's address, because Firinn was probably aware somewhere in the very murky depths of his subconscious that what he was doing was borderline psychotic, and he would get no legal support to issue a restraining order... come on, if he was really determined to get someone's address, he could have--he's just crazy enough to put in that much time to hunt someone down. I think Firinn thinks he is the internet police -- actually, he appears to think he's the police of everyone's behavior. So stop defending yourself, Firinn (or is it Craig?... Silvermoon?.... Katrina?)

    Comment by Mel — December 14, 2007 @ 11:18AM

  36. I think it's weird that the folks who've been kicked out are so bitter & vocal about Firinn/BAL. Why ruminate & complain? Time to move on to another social group. Perhaps it indicates Firinn's prescience that you are so vocal...who wants to socialize w/ screamers?

    Comment by JD — December 14, 2007 @ 11:23AM

  37. Dear JD (oops, I mean Firinn) (oops, I mean Firinn's Boy Friday) --

    Why are you still defending him? By the way, I haven't been kicked off BAL yet, but I'm sure if Firinn can find a way now, he will. Again, you just don't get it. This is about Firinn's behavior-- not about the results of it. By the way, defending and whining are equally bad behavior traits.

    Comment by Mel — December 14, 2007 @ 11:37AM

  38. As an intermittent Linkup subscriber/participant for 2 years, I've seen none of the personality cult portrayed in this article. And I've had only good experiences.

    Linkup is just a handy tool for convening "smart mobs" around group events. Some events are practical services, like a free Spanish-language discussion group. Others are whimsical, like an Ocean Beach bonfire.

    Hey, speaking of bonfires: That Burning Man thing? It arose out of a similar network, the S.F. Cacaphony Society. Back in the stone-age '80s, Cacaphony operated via a printed newsletter. *That* was top-down.

    I've met Firinn (Linkup's founder/honcho) twice. He's as quirky as he's brilliant -- hardly an unusual mix among digital innovators. He's strong-willed about some opinions, and makes no bones about enjoying a good argument